Saturday, April 5, 2008

Disclaimer on this blog--and an admission of love for another woman

I must confess that that this blog may not be interesting to very many people, therefore I must put a disclaimer on it. I will write about many things: my wife Laura, my girls, how we came to be as a family, and some of my life experiences over the past 2o years. In addition to that, one of the things that I will probably write much about, in a serious note is my new found love that I have for my faith and how I got to this point. So....this may reflect a lot of Theology and reflection from a Catholic point of view. This, however is a great way for me to pen my thoughts and keep track of where I am.







Like I said in my last post, it was in 1991 when I met the Love of my life, Laura. We met while we were both in College at Liberty. Our meeting was sort of by chance and not really planned. The details of the meeting will vary on whether you are talking to me or Laura, but....since this is my blog...this will be the way that it happened :-)







Through a series of events, in 1990, neither Laura or I had a date to the Spring banquet at Liberty and through a suggestion of a mutual friend, I got up the nerve to chase her across campus (she knew what was going on) and ask her to the banquet. It was very soon after that we had our first date and I still remember it was amazing. We were both bout as nervous as a couple of long tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs, but it wound up being an amazing evening of talking and connecting. I remember that we went to the Boardwalk on Pensacola Beach and sat there and talked for hours...about our lives where we grew up (which by the way was about an hour and a half from each other). We were actually at many of the same events while we were growing up, which is really strange to look back upon. The months that followed were amazing I couldn't wait to see her again and spend another block of hours between classes talking on those swings. There was a very deep love developing....very quickly. I wanted to find out everything about her. We were then married in September of 1991 to begin our new life together and start again. Going on seventeen years later we are still going strong. Believe you me, we have had our challenges, but we are here; together and commited to our marriage and our ever growing family.







Oh yeah.....the other woman. It started about five or six years ago I guess. There was this woman that I had an acquaintance with from a couple of years prior. I had found out a little about her and there was this strange attraction, something that I could not explain. I tried as much as possible to try to find out everything about her. It was very strange, so for a while I denied myself the urges that I had and decided that it would be best for myself and my family if I had no contact with her--ever. I knew that if I got involved with her that it could have a devastating effect on my family, so that is what I did............for a while.







What happened next is baffling to me. One day I was at work and I saw her on the television and she was starting to get a lot of attention. Though I had not thought about her for about 2 years or so, my head spun around again, I could tell something was changing about her. Maybe it was her face, but something was changing and I was compelled once again to get in contact with her. At the same time I was so sad. Why did I take so long to do this. I would never know her as I had previously wanted to know her............I knew that it would always be different. Not bad, just different from how I had come to know her. So I very cautiously pulled back out all my previous contact with her. It was a review of sorts, but reading what she had written and what I found out about her grabbed me once again. I had not felt like this since I had fallen in love with Laura-- it seemed that it was happening all over again. I was terribly frightened to contact her directly and in person due to the fact that I knew what tidal wave it would cause in my life, so I decided to contact other people who were very much aware of her and who she was. I just needed to find out if She was the one for me, so for months on end I found those people with their information. The point that sealed our fate together happened on a Saturday morning. That morning, I had to be at work, so I left earlier than normal, probably by an hour. I told Laura that I had to meet a "friend" before I went to work, when in all actuality it was the other woman. We were only to be together for about half an hour or so, that is all I could take. My head was spinning, but I really knew at that point She and I would have to move forward...regardless. The amazing thing is that she knew me, who I was and had been waiting for me and I felt it by the light embrace that I felt that day. I had never done anything like this before in my life. It was like I was walking on a line....a border that I had crossed and I had said that I never would, yet at the same time, I didn't feel the slightest amount of guilt. After that one meeting I was addicted to our affair. How would I keep this a secret from my family: my wife, her parents, my brother , my parents. How would they react. They knew of this woman because she had all of our paths at sometime in our lives and it was inevitable that I would have to tell them, but it was going to have to wait.



The next months would become the point that would change my life. The woman kept calling me. It was if she was connected to the innermost parts of my being. I spent many sleepless nights watching her metamorphasis that was going on because as a matter of fact the change that I had feared did take place. Now I saw her in a new way. I knew that even though I didn't know her as she was before, I would know her in a new way; a strange new way. I remember one time, Laura had gone to visit my sister in Birmingham with the girls. It was just me in the house. It was freedom for me any my new love. That week I was totally engulfed in her, wanting all my waking moments to be surrounded by her.

The most amazing thing is that the more that I got to know her, the more that she kept pointing me not toward herself, the Church, but toward her Son, our Lord Jesus. All my life I had a relationship with our Lord, but that night it was different---deeper than it ever had been in my life. I knew that Jesus was there present with me....The Real Presence as I had never known it. Beyond a shadow of a doubt I knew that this was the Church that our Lord had established. This had been proven to me over and over and over the next few months.

I had come Home.


One year later it became formal. On Easter, 2oo6, I came into full communion with the Catholic Church.





More to come............

2 comments:

Reese said...

I found it very interesting. Looking forward to the next part.

Christopher Cuddy said...

Allan,

You've been in my thoughts and prayers a lot recently, and I was delighted to see that you have entered the blogging world.

Talk soon, dear brother!

Chris